It’s beginning to feel like summer. The spring semester has ended, the plants look full and rich and green, and the days have been hot and the nights warm.
Honestly, when I moved to Texas, I hoped it would feel like perpetual summer here, but I’ve found that not to be true. There were a lot of nice, warm days in the fall, winter, and spring, but they didn’t have the same feel as summer days. Why exactly, I’m not sure. In summer, there’s just a sweet scent in the air and a buzzing of new energy in everything.
So I guess I can’t live in perpetual summer in Texas. But if I did, I wouldn’t get to experience this sense of joy at feeling this transition into my favorite season. Hopefully it’s still my favorite season by the time I’ve experienced the many 105-degree days that characterize a Texas summer.
I suppose this all feels especially meaningful right now because the last few months have been incredibly transformative for me.
At the beginning of the semester, I was a mess. I was depressed and felt like I couldn’t accomplish even the most basic tasks. I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it through my classes and was considering withdrawing for the semester or even altogether.
But, out of pure, desperate need, I returned to yoga. The first month or two of classes were some of the most challenging experiences of my life, both physically and emotionally. But I kept going, even as things fell apart around me. And that, as well as other tools I began to use to help myself, made all the difference. I actually managed to not only make it through the semester but get A’s in all of my classes, which feels pretty miraculous given where I was a few months ago.
I always fear that when I write something like this, I’ll imply that everything is perfect now. I’ve read accounts of life progress that sometimes felt alienating to me because the authors seemed to have reached some impossible level of unshakable happiness. Life is still life; there is still the darkness as well as the light. And the future is always a big, scary unknown.
But now, right now, in this moment, I feel peace. And god dammit that’s a nice feeling.